Today I received some really good news. Like, turn-the-corner good news. And in celebration, I went out and got a pedicure.
Pedicure was not the only option in this kind of case. Celebrations can include all kinds of things.
You get the drift.
But right now, I’m working on my self from a variety of angles. I have goals, and some of those celebratory options do not bring me any closer to said goals, so they weren’t the choice for today. Chocolate? Pass. Savory deliciousness? Maybe another day. Today, I’m choosing something better for me. I want to be the woman that I aspire to inside my head. (And by “aspire to,” I’m actually meaning “that crazy standard of perfection that I insist on measuring myself against every breathing moment.”)
You feel me?
We live in a space where we’re constantly comparing our own life, with all the nitty-gritty behind-the-scenes details, to the highlights that everyone else deems worthy of sharing in social media spaces. Or to the assumptions we place on others based solely on the bit that we see, mixed in with our own beliefs, whether or not they’re actually based in fact. And high as those bars might be, somehow I erect an even higher bar for myself internally. It’s crazy. And I know it’s crazy, and not the best perspective from which to view myself. So I’m working on it.
At some point, you have to take the reality check and decide that perfection is not an option. Decide that the authentic version of you is, in fact, the more awesome option to offer to the world around you. Authentic might also include “in-process,” and that’s okay, too. I’m recently working on the idea that the world around me is not seeking the A-game version of me, but rather the for-realsies version of me. That’s revolutionary for my internal dialogue. I’m all about presenting the ‘me’ that has all the pieces together, at all times. But when I look at the people I am most drawn to, they’re real. Flawed. Human. In process.
So here I am, taking time to be in the process and grow towards a fully authentic, fully present version of myself. This is a journey, and one that I don’t anticipate ever finishing.
First, I take a deep breath. And I remind myself that, despite my desires for growth, I’m pretty darn awesome. And then I start to take the baby steps towards a more healthy, whole, growing version of me. Yesterday it was sticking a book in my purse so that I have an option other than “the scroll” whenever faced with available time. Today it was celebrating good news with a pedicure. This morning it was choosing to move my body so that I feel strong and vibrant. And tonight, it’ll be choosing foods for dinner that nourish my physical body and soul, foods that fill me and fuel me so that I can live fully.