No leads to yes


I’ve been elsewhere.

I’m back.

I’ve recently given a lot of thought to the idea of ‘no’. We don’t like ‘no’s. Or, at least, we profess to not like them, although I wonder if that’s rooted in a fear that others will not like our ‘no’s. Projecting our internal fears of others onto ourselves, or something like that.

However, I think ‘no’ is fabulous, for a multitude of reasons. ‘No’ can draw a line: these things are in, those are out. These are allowed, those are prohibited. ‘No’ can protect, ‘no’ can guide. But my favorite paradigm is where ‘no’ drives authenticity.

You see, without a real ‘no’, there can be no authentic ‘yes’.

My love of ‘no’ can be seen as unsettling by others. Ask me to undertake the insurmountable? No. Demand that I perform at your bidding? No. After years of taking action out of fear or hope for acceptance, ‘no’ comes quickly and easily.

But my favorite? My favorite is the ‘yes’ beyond the ‘no’. Those rare and precious moments when I can resist, walk away, and flail against man or God and vent my mighty vexations and arguments as to why I am most certainly NOT going to do that.

And then.

After the dust has settled, after my temper cools, after the ire settles to order, I can reflect. And sometimes in that reflection, come around to ‘yes’. And that ‘yes’ is my best on many levels, because that’s a ‘yes’ of conscious choice, and with it comes my whole being.

And that is how ‘no’ leads to ‘yes’.


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