Deliberate purposefulness

I was recently asked to be in a commercial for a local eatery. In the original request, my understanding was that it would be a crowd scene shot, looking to fill the restaurant, bring your kids, eat cupcakes, it’ll be fun kind of commercial. Awesome! Excuse to get out with the family and get free cupcakes? I’ll take it!

When we arrived at the venue, I was informed that I had been chosen to be the featured person in the commercial. Yay! *throws confetti* I took a moment to myself to a) check my makeup and lipstick, b) say a quick “Thank you” prayer that I had dressed cute and accessorized well that day, c) adjust my expectations and energies to engage that level of present-ness, and d) generally gather my guts. Acting does not bother nor frighten me, it just takes a different gear. 🙂 Now it was six scenes of “Caryn doing *insert action here*”. We had a blast, the boys enjoyed WAY more sweet foods before dinner than they’ve ever consumed, hubs was featured in a cute little breakfast-for-two scene, and I sparkled and shined for the camera.

As we were finishing, the director made a comment: “You’re so good. Everything you do is so deliberate and purposeful.”

Hm. That got my wheels a-turnin’.Image

Yes, I was in a situation where my every move was being captured on film, so of COURSE my actions were deliberate and purposeful. My day-to-day life does not automatically incorporate thoughts of “Rotate the cup so the logo lands like SO.” Camera posture and normal posture are, alas, two different things. And body language of a normal interaction gets tweaked when you have camera angles to consider.

But here’s the thing, deliberateness is something on my mind at some degree all. the. time.

I can be very clumsy with my hands, so if I’m eating in public, I very carefully choose what I’m eating, and heaven forbid I drop or spill. Stress, anxiety, and energy level will determine if I’m gonna go for the crackers with crumbly cheese torte or just spear a die of cheddar on a toothpick. Sugar cookie or Mexican wedding cake that I love? How badly will powdered sugar show on this outfit? Do I have a wing-woman who’ll nudge me if I’ve got a flaw to fix?

Food in my teeth? Fugeddaboutit! Constantly checking…

If I’m out with someone, the nature of that relationship flexes the quantity of brain space that gets used to keep tabs on what I’m saying. How I’m saying it. My body posture. How much I’m paying attention. Whether or not I’m running a secondary conversation in my head. If I’m crafting a status update to share this moment with the world while changing names to protect the innocent.

And then there’s the clothing/posture issue. How’m I feeling about my bod? This outfit? Is my awesome clothing choice now saggy/scratchy/gappy/riding up?

That kind of thing.

Which got me thinking: What would happen if all that energy that goes into careful, deliberate, purposefulness in these areas was moved into an area of usefulness? What if we as women stopped checking our hair and started checking our souls? What if we did/said/thought/ate/drank/be-d as we wanted? Because, let’s all be honest, these are some serious energy sucking activities that really serve no purpose other than to make us safe. But is safe what we were made to be?

Do I have an answer yet? No, but the question is where everything starts. I’ll share as I continue to chew on the idea (pun intended) but in the meantime, what about you? Where are you unnecessarily purposefully deliberate? And what would happen if you pointed that energy somewhere new?

~Me

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